With my second year as a professional author completed, I was going to fill my blog with self advertising and self-worship. I kept putting it off however, as I still haven’t shaken the feeling that it’s a bit like prostituting myself. I used the recent arrival of my daughter as an excuse to procrastinate.

That is, until a few short days ago, when I read that an aspiring writer, with whom I had formed a bond of respect and virtual friendship in our online conversations, had passed away from cancer.

This hurt me more than I like to admit. Strangely enough, we had often discussed toxic masculinity. He was tortured by it, whilst I claim to have harnessed it and twisted it into my own advantage. In shock, I lay on the couch, phone in hand, and tried to collect myself. I tried to bury the grief away. I mean, he was only a friend online, only someone whom I respected as a name, an avatar, right?

Wrong.

Our conversations had always been respectful, and often either attempts to let the other heal, or to bring a smile to each other. We had mutual interests, belonged to the same fandom, and although his stories that he wished to craft may not have been in my vein, I was more than willing to work with him to help make his own dream of writing, possible.

Getting up, I found my eldest child, and asked him, almost tearfully, for a great big hug.

The truth is, the world is much smaller that it seemed only a few decades ago. Nowadays, I can connect with writers, readers, editors, publishers, agents, interviewers, fans, trolls, etc. In seconds. I’ve formed bonds with people all over the world, and though I haven’t met many face-to-face, I’ve chatted online privately, to the point that I feel comfortable saying things that I normally keep private. I’ve used the internet to have vocal conversations, avatar-to-avatar get-togethers, shared pictures and hopes and dream and trials and tirbulations…

These online souls have become friends, and the loss of one struck deeply in my breast.

To each of you who have touched my soul, please know you are: Special

Unique

Wonderful

Inspiring.

And to the friend who passed, and left us without your blessed company

I miss you.

There is, perhaps, no better way for a writer to discover more about themselves regarding their style and craft, than to edit a fellow author’s work. Since Kyanite Publishing agreed to my Remnants anthology idea, I’ve found myself Beta reading a myriad of short stories, from many talented writers and authors, some of whom are hopeful that their submissions will earn them their professional debut. This has led to some discussion on a few elements of craft, one of which, I would like to discuss today; The eponymous Show Over Tell, or Show Versus Tell

 

Firstly, I don’t claim superiority on this subject, but I do believe that my use of the following has helped me sign a few works. Secondly, this is what works for me and my style, at the moment. Part of having a craft is evolving and expanding within, so what I write now, may be different for me further down the road.

So, what is Show vs Tell? It is the act of describing something organically so that the reader is drawn into the world.

Let me provide an example.

Tell:
She walked into the room. It was square and metal. In the center of the room there was a table and two chairs, and on the table, sat a brown envelope. Sitting down, she waited.

.
..
…

Yay?

Let me ask you, can you picture it? Yeah, sure. Do you feel like you’re there alongside the character? Heck no!

This tells the reader what’s going on, but fails on all points of immersion, minus sight. In a motion picture you could hear the sounds, and if the lighting and music are on point, and the camera work is superb, you could feel drawn into the scene. The tell version has no drama nor panache, it’s simply “She did this, saw that.”

Draw your readers in, make them feel like they’re there.

How do you do that? By showing them through their senses.

Smell ( I cannot stress this enough, as it is the sense most CLOSELY related to memory.)

 

 

 

 

Taste ( Another understated sense, more difficult to include but certainly dramatic and relatable.)

 

Touch ( What is the character’s body enduring? )

 

Sight

 

and sound.

And all of this should be done without sense words… which we will get to in a moment.

Let’s focus on smell and taste. How do you think such a location would tickle your nose? Would there be a strong scent of disinfectant, making the space sterile? Would the metal tingle in your throat, or would it be overpowered by windex that is used to shine the walls. How’s the air? Is it stale? Treated? Moving?

Here’s my opinion. I think I would smell the sharp scent of disinfectant mixed with the citrus of polishing agents. It would be harsh, but be made barely bearable by freshly treated air being both pumped in and exhausted by a closed circulation system.


Pretty specific. Let’s phrase that first sentence in the narrative voice.

She smelled the sharp scent of disinfectant and acidity of citrus of polishing agents.

This is now a combination of show and tell. Why? Because of the sense word, Smell. The reader is being told SHE is Smelling blah blah blah. In order to make it a true show, make the reader think they are sensing it themselves by deleting the pronoun and sense.

The sharp scent of disinfectant hung heavily in the air and was made worse by the citrus of polishing agents.

How’s that read? Go back and compare with the original example. Better? Place it on the tongue, make them taste it all.

The sharp scent of disinfectant hung heavily in the air and laid thickly on the mouth, made worse by the citrus acidity of polishing agents that dried the mouth and pierced the nose.

Let’s talk about the organicity of the sentence above. By including the sense of feel or touch, taste, and smell, the reader can almost believe they are there.

 

Now, let’s try sound.

I imagine her footsteps would echo in an all-steel construction, not to mention I’m sure the ventilation would be loud. How can we tie it all in so it feels natural? Add a verb, an action, for the character that would cause such noises.

 

She walked into the room, her footsteps echoing off the bare metal walls, rattling about, before being muted by the very loud exhaust fan.

 

Better? Yeah, sure, but walked seems too plain. I know! Let’s love our Thesaurus. How does she enter the room, does she stride in there in a hurry, or does she hesitate?  I’m going to make her confident and powerful because I love strong women.

Also, note the word VERY in very loud. Blow words like very are called CUMULATIVE words. They exist to add to adjectives. They too, can pull the reader out of the story and are, often, but not always, a symptom of lazy writing.

 

She marched into the room, her footsteps echoing off the bare metal walls, rattling about, before being muted by the rushing of air and humming of mechanical ventilation.

 

So by mentioning it all like this, I’ve also shown that the air is moving. I could further reinforce this by something else:

 

The air, crisp and clear, ruffled the pages of the envelope that sat, shifting, on the lone table in the middle of the room.

 

With that, I’ve linked the senses to an environmental factor, that has now played with two more items in the room. This shows they are there. Getting the hint yet?

 

Pulling out one of the two chairs, she sat, studying herself in the reflection of the metallic walls. The harsh light was hardly flattering, and she straightened her blazer, assuring herself that she was ready to face whatever her client confessed.

 

Wow. Can you sense her power, her confidence, the scale of the room? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

 

How do these read when compared?

 

Tell:

She walked into the room. It was square and metal. In the center of the room there was a table and two chairs, and on the table, sat a brown envelope. Sitting down, she waited.

 

Show:

The sharp scent of disinfectant hung heavily in the air and laid thickly on the tongue, made worse by the citrus acidity of polishing agents that dried the mouth and pierced the nose. She marched into the room. Her footsteps echoed off the bare metal walls, rattling about, before being muted by the humming of mechanical ventilation. The air, crisp and clear, ruffled the pages of the envelope that sat, shifting, on the lone table in the middle of the room.

Pulling out one of the two rigid steel chairs, she sat. The harsh light left little to the imagination, illuminating all her flaws in the mirror finish polish of her enclosure. Straightening her blazer, the lawyer assured herself that she was ready to face whatever her client confessed.

 

Lastly, let’s check for passive voice.

In English, all sentences are in either “active” or “passive.” In an active sentence, the person or thing responsible for the verb of the sentence comes first. Likewise, in a passive sentence, the person or thing acted on comes first, and the person responsible for the action is added at the end.

 

Active

Johannes Gutenberg created the printing press in 1439.

 

Generally, you want to write in the active verse UNLESS:

1. The actor (whatever is performing the verb) is unknown, irrelevant, or the writer wants to be vague.

The first printing press was invented in 1439.

2. You are talking about a general truth or widely accepted fact.

3. You want to emphasize the subject acted upon, which is generally the method used in scientific or technical papers.

The first printing press was invented in 1439 by Johannes Gutenberg

 

Active:
The sharp scent of disinfectant hung heavily in the air and laid thickly on the tongue,

The sharp scent is the actor, the verb is hung, and the subject is the tongue. In this sense, the primary focus is on the odor.

Passive:
Pulling out one of the two rigid steel chairs, she sat.

If I had written this as: She pulled out one of the two rigid steel chairs and sat on it. The focus would be on the lawyer, performing her action, but that’s not what I want the reader to notice. I want them to see that the focus is on the chairs. There’s only 2 in the room, and she’s claimed one.

Aside from exploding your word count, for those who always find yourselves short of your goal, you have now shown the environment, drawing the reader in, AND given the subject, character. The reader can sense her confidence, her power, her attitude.

So, after all that, let’s make a checklist.

 

Did you:

🗹 Include Smell

🗹 Include Taste

🗹 Include Feel

🗹 Include Sound

🗹 Include Sight

🗹 Interact organically with the environment

🗹 Demonstrate something about the character

🗹 Remove Sense words

🗹 Remove Cumulative words

🗹 Love Your Thesaurus

🗹 Assure each sentence is focused properly.

 

Feel free to add, remove, or comment as you see fit, and I hope this helps you. Thank you for listening to my rant.

 

Sincerely

Author Stephen Coghlan

 

 

P.S. Thank you to Rosetta Yorke for giving this rant a once over. You can find her on Twitter as @RosettaYorke  Where she hosts #turtlewriters.

P.P.S. If you are looking for places to practice Show over Tell, I’m presently practicing using V. Timea Noemi *Timi* ( @imit1989  ) #KreaSUm hashtag on Twitter

Whether you’re a plotter, or your editing and revising the random mess from a seriously stupendous scribbling session, it helps to know that you have a plot, or a path, so that your story is an adventure with a clear beginning, middle, and end.

One of the best ways I’ve found to help me achieve these goals is to use acts, like those in a play.

What are acts? Think of them as chapters. Each act fulfils a portion of the story, filling your adventure out into clearly defined areas and events. I know it sounds a bit formulaic, but there’s a reason I bring this up; the structure is important. Would you trust a building that couldn’t support itself?

I sure wouldn’t, and after many beta reads, rejection letters and critiques, I’ve come to understand that readers want a point to their stories. They want to feel satisfied, to know an adventure has happened, and the best way to accomplish such is to use a tried and tested method.

 

The 5 act structure

 

There’s a saying that every story should have a beginning, a middle, and an end.  After all my research, I’ll argue that statement is oversimplified, and that’s because the middle and the end are each divided into 2 succinct and separate events.

There are charts all over the web describing this, but this is MY blog so I’m going to embellish it MY way.

 

The Start: Act 1

Introduction

 

The middle: Act 2 and 3

Rising action

Climax

 

The end: Act 4 and 5

Falling Action

Denouement or conclusion

 

Wow, fancy words, but don’t worry about that.

 

I’m going to break this down further. In this blog, I’ll talk about using the 5 act structure on character Arcs. In later blogs, I’ll discuss a variety of acts in regard to plot.

 

The theory is relatively the same.

• Act 1: Introduction
• Act 2: Character is faced with a decision
• Act 3: Character makes a choice
• Act 4: Character deals with repercussions
• Act 5: Conclusion of the decision.

 

It is my belief that every primary character should have an Arc. That way the reader feels that they were involved in the story, not just dragged along for the ride.

 

If you remember my blurb on arcs, written back in September 2018, you may recall the following:

 

An Arc is a showing of how a character grows or evolves over time, but it doesn’t mean that they have to change, per se. There are two types of Arcs.

Transformative: The character changes their outlook. For example, Uncle Bill really hates flowers, but when he finds out that the lovely plants he has been paving over have medicinal and nutritional value, he changes his minds and becomes a spokesperson for greenery and natural parks.

Steadfast: Uncle Bill loves flowers and plants, but when his company comes up with new artificial turf, he takes a stand against his income shoring himself up and becoming braver, willing to risk losing his job over losing his lawn.

 

Both of these Arcs fall into a 5 act structure. Let’s break it all the way.

Each of these start with an introduction

That’s act 1:

• Uncle Bill really hates flowers,
• Uncle Bill loves flowers and plants but works for a company whose modus operandi is the removal of flora and fauna.

 

Both of the examples force the character to make a decision. This is the rising action and is the part between the character finding something out, versus making a decision.

That’s Act 2:

• he finds out that the lovely plants he has been paving over have medicinal and nutritional value,
• his company comes up with new artificial turf

 

Now for the Climax. Each character must make a choice. Do they alter themselves, or stick to their original ideals?

That’s act 3:

• he changes his minds and becomes a spokesperson for greenery and natural parks.
• he takes a stand knowing he risks losing his job over losing his lawn.

 

We know they’re going to suffer consequences. That’s act 4.

• New hippy Bill finds himself ostracized by his friends, and his family freaks out over his sudden love of flowers.
• Already Hippy Bill is fired, and the job loss cuts his income.

 

How it ultimately ends, whether good or bad, that’s act 5. Because I’m in a good mood, let’s have some HEA (Happily Ever After) for both Bills

• Bill spends the rest of his days securing land for children to play in and forms a botanical grant despite protests. In his late years, he is invited to a new park, named after him, where he sees his great-grandchildren breathing clean air and playing in the grass he fought for.

 

Hang on

*Blows nose.*

 

Now I could also include a subplot in here to add complexity…

 

Act 1:

• Bill discovers that one of his plants can cure a child of an illness, but it’s a rare strain, possibly the last of it’s kind and farming it will kill the plant but preserve the child’s life.

Act 2:

• Bill Stews over the decision for days, heading cries from the child and their parents, while his botanical bff’s barter with him to spare the plant.

How Bill reacts to this becomes a subplot. What consequences does his choice bring, who lives and who dies?

If I include this but never complete the other acts, I’ve created an unfinished story, and I bet you HATE me right now for doing so.

See, it’s important to use all 5 acts.

 

Now… there are such things called Cliffhangers, but we will save that for another post.

 

I hope showing you my use of a five-act character structure helps you if you decide to use it.

 

Write to you later.

 

Bye.

 

P.s. because I’m not THAT evil:

 

Act 3:

• Late one night Bill arrives at the medical lab, plant in hand.

Act 4:

• Discovering that he chose the child, his plant peers push him away.

Act 5:

• Cured, the child comes to thank Bill personally, and apologize for costing Bill so much.

Smiling, Bill says, “Anyone who puts one life over another, deserves no friendship o’ mine.” Pulling back a curtain, he reveals why he took so long to decide. Rows of starter pots are growing new plants from clippings. Bill had saved parts of the plant after all, having waited long enough for the plant to be strong enough to harvest.

It’s his harvesting and salvation of this rare plant that earns him his new income, enough to keep his home AND open up his new greenhouse.

To say I’ve learned a lot in these last two years would be one Hell of an understatement. From accepting my first critique to practicing law through contracts to being there when houses fold… It’s been quite an adventure.

 

One thing that I’ve definitely improved on, is line editing my own work. Now, do not confuse line editing with copyediting, because I am NOWHERE near a good enough copyeditor. I, to this date, rely on in-house publishers, betas, and critique partners to save my precarious patootie where copyediting is concerned.

(For those curious, here’s a good definition as to what copyediting is. This example is taken from New York Book Editors  2015 Webpage,  WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COPYEDITING AND LINE EDITING?

“a copyedit is [used] to address flaws on a very technical level – to make sure the writing that appears on the page is in accordance with industry standards.”  )

 

 

 

Previously, almost a year ago, I wrote a blog post about streamlining.  (See ON STREAMLINING, NOVEMBER 19, 2017)

But, this year, after offering REMNANTS to Kyanite Publishing, I began to get a lot of requests to line edit upcoming author’s works, and I realized, I now have a more in-depth list of what I look for when line editing, beyond just Streamlining.

• Sense words: I felt, I heard, I saw, I smelled, etc. For the most part, these can make the reader drop out of the world and realize they’re reading a story. You want to trick the reader into FEELING like they’re there.

What holds more impact?

I heard a crack of the rifle and felt my insides go numb as the bullet impacted my stomach.

Or

The Crack of the rifle echoed off the walls and my insides went numb as the bullet plowed through my intestines.

• Repeated beginnings:

I walked through the door. I paused. I knew I’d been right.

Three “I” to begin a sentence. Time to do something I call, “actioning it up”. Psychologically, if you start with a verb, you can trick the reader into feeling urgency or activity. You might have heard that trick used in writing resumes or reports. Instead of “I cleaned the coil”… use “cleaned the coil”. Boom, verb makes it more powerful

Walking through the door, I paused. I knew I’d been right.

• Grouping Descriptions: When describing something, try to keep it together. You know the song, Head, shoulders, knees and toes? Try that. Don’t start at the head, go to the feet, back to the neck, focus on the groin then the knees then the shoulders….

Our vision doesn’t normally bounce. If there is something that stands out, save it for last and enunciate THAT object, but everything else goes in an order: Top to bottom, Close to far, Left to right, Etc.

• Show vs Tell: When describing something, it oft helps the reader of you don’t just list the object:

It was tall, six feet high. It had wide shoulders and chest, but a skinny waist.

Instead, show it by relating it to objects around, colors, smell, THIS is where you use the senses to really give something weight, but don’t use sense words on the narrator. Use it to PAIN a picture.

It was taller than the surrounding cars, and easily visible over the top of the van as it trundled past. Wide, powerful shoulders, resembling that of a rugby tough rolled with power while all perched on a waist so narrow that the beast should have snapped in two at such a tiny point in its flesh.

• Redundancy and repeat:

The storm looked evil. Inside the storm rolled thick black clouds and the storm cast darkness upon the land. I had to hide from the storm.

Yawn We get it. Storm bad. Instead, there are two things that could be done.

1. Love your Thesaurus (Lyt)
2. Group and Trim (G&T)

Inside the storm rolled thick and evil black clouds that sucked the very light from the sky, casting darkness upon the land. The tempest looked large, dangerous, lethal, and without cover, I was in for a very bad time.

• Give Someone an ARC:  Okay, this one is a Doozy. An Arc is a showing of how a character grows or evolves over time, but it doesn’t mean that they have to change, per se. There are two types of Arcs.

Transformative: The character changes their outlook. For example, Uncle Bill really hates flowers, but when he finds out that the lovely plants he has been paving over have medicinal and nutritional value, he changes his minds and becomes a spokesperson for greenery and natural parks.

Steadfast: Uncle Bill loves flowers and plants, but when his company comes up with new artificial turf, he takes a stand against his income shoring himself up and becoming braver, willing to risk losing his job over losing his lawn.

• Does each Chapter/Story have a point: Yeah, let me really get the ire flowing. Question: does your story, or chapter if it’s a long enough work, have a point? Does it progress either the plot or enhance a character? If not, BLOW IT AWAY.

This is where a summary can make or break a writer, and why plotters have an advantage over pantsers. A Plotter can make each chapter have a point before they begin, whilst a Pantser often has to do so in their edits. Knowing beforehand what you, as a writer, want each chapter to say can alleviate SO MANY HEADACHES.

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed this list. It’s more of a guide for me when I write and edit now, but if it’s helped you too, I’m happy.

 

Fin.

Let’s talk about success.

Two years ago, I signed my first literary contract. Today, August 18th, 2018, the day of my writevesary, I signed my 18th contract. These include poem’s, flash fictions, short stories, novellas, and novels, and range in age from YA to adult, genres from action, to dreampunk fantasy, to deep scifi.

The only reason I got to where I am, though, is because I did not, and I DO NOT (Note the change in tense) let rejections get me down, and nor should you, and nor should you think rejections only come from without. They can most certainly come from within, too.

To all of you who say to yourselves, “I have an idea for a story.” I say this. “Write it!”

To all those who have finished writing a story, I say this. “Submit it.” Send it to people who you can trust to give you honest and constructive criticism, or send it to a publisher or agent, or, if you think it’s a polished literary diamond, publish it yourself.

What I’m trying to say is, “Continue going forward.”

“But, (what if I get / I’ve received a) rejection / harsh review(?/.)”

Well, suck it up, buttercup. Welcome to the world of the creator. Almost every published author has gotten/ still gets such to this day. The difference between those who succeed vs those who fail is simple.

 

Winners try again.

And again

AND AGAIN.

 

As they say in the venerated USMC: Improvise, Adapt and Overcome. You get a rejection:

• Adapt, see why you got rejected. Sometimes you have to send to a different party, sometimes it’s your style.
• Improvise, edit, make the changes or find a new publisher.
• Overcome, Get published.

 

You won’t succeed if you fear failure, and while victory is not guaranteed if you continue to advance forward, failure is a certainty if you stop. Case in point:

• In 1923, George Herman “Babe” “The Bambino” Ruth Jr. Led American baseball records as both the player with the highest number of homeruns, AND as the leader in Strikeouts. Yet, because of his all-or-nothing batting style, he is still lauded and remembered almost any time baseball or chocolate bars come up in conversation.

He was not afraid to try to achieve his goal.

Now, Because I’m Canadian, let’s also include a quote from The Great One, Wayne Douglas Gretzky himself.

“The day I stop giving is the day I stop receiving. The day I stop learning is the day I stop growing. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

 

My point, once more, is the ONLY REASON that I feel comfortable calling myself a published, multi-genre, spec-lit author is because I moved forward. I wrote a book. I got rejected. I learned. I edited. I adapted. I looked for new publishers, and I finally signed a book deal.

Then I did it again.

And again.

And so on, and so on, for 18 times so far, and I intend to do so for as long as I can.

Don’t be afraid to write, to submit, to be rejected. Learn from it, adapt, and get creating.

If there’s one thing I’m learning, it’s that I really know nothing at all when it comes to what readers will want. Throughout 2017 I made an effort to produce a variety of short stories in order to get my name out there as an author, and although I am not yet a household name, I’d like to think I’ve caught the eyes of a few of my literary companions.

For 2018, besides working on edits of GENMOS Book 2 and NOBILIS: Seedling, I vowed that I would produce AND submit 4 novellas.

Tomorrow is the start of the 8th month of 2018, and as of last night, I had written 3, submitted them each to different publishers throughout the weeks of July, and have already signed 1 to a new publishing house. ( Kyanite Press. And, like Bryan Hagan’s podcast, I am the debut author from outside the company to sign with them. Let me say this: FIRST! )

This left me with one novella left to complete my goal. Gathering 4 plots together, I presented them in polls to the internet, Twitter, Facebook, and yes, my day-job’s coworkers.

The first option was a post apocalyptic retelling of the story of Christ, using returning dreams to the sleepless as an allegory for relieving sins. It got three votes.

The second option was a comedy based on hapless individuals becoming professional “shaft-scrubbers”… a.k.a. digital post-editing artists. It still promises to be the cleanest crass comedy ever.

The third was to really knuckle down on the “Spaceballs of Erotica.” That got 2 of the votes.

The remaining 45 votes, so for those not doing the math, that’s 90%, making it the POPULAR majority, was to combine Sex, humans, and Centaurs into a story I jokingly titled, “Fifty Shades of Neigh.”

My reasoning was this. Erotica sells. I know a majority of ladies who love horses, and what’s a centaur but a half-naked half-human pasted onto the body of a horse. It looked horribly humorous, and so I presented it as a joke.

Well, the joke is now on me.

True to my word I began worldbuilding. That’s when the joke really hit back. Gone was the goofball planned-pr0n. Hello, was a serious, alternate-Edwardian-historic crop-opera romantic mythological erotica. Gone was the punographic goop fest, now replaced with a much more serious plot of intrigue and family betrayal.

As of today, only just over two weeks in, and I have already over 25k words written, and my test readers have all come back with glowing reviews and words of encouragement, ranging from “It was so steamy I read it with one hand.” To “Wow, I was not expecting such a cool and genuine plot.”

Also, this is the second work where I have had publishers claim interest BEFORE I finished the first draft. When I made the joke about smut selling, I didn’t expect it to be this true.

Oh how the wheel has turned.

Anyways, let’s see if I can finish this piece soon.

Wish me luck. I was once a neigh-sayer, now I’m inscribing equine erotica

I’ve recently been able to catch up on some of my Beta reads and CP’s and this is something I’ve seen a lot of examples of:

He looked about the room. He thought it was too quiet. He listened, waiting, hoping to see through the dim glow. When nothing happened, he put his pistol back into its holster and stepped into the room. He heard a noise and turned, too late to block the wrench that cracked him across the face. He collapsed as the world went dark.

Welcome to what I call, a listed paragraph.
He did this, he thought that. He etc. etc.

Starting every sentence in a paragraph with the same word may work in the rare time, but unless it’s being done for the effect it can make the sentence drag and be boring.

My advice in these situations: Action it up.

Let me go back to my high school days. During a course in Business English, my classmates and I were advised to always use verbs, action words, when writing a report or resume to clients.

What sounds better?

-Filters were dirty, replaced
-Ducts were dirty, vacuumed.

-I went to College for mechanical technologist

Or

-Replaced filters
-Vacuumed ductwork.

-Attended Mechanical technologist course at ____ College.

Starting with a verb can subtly influence the reader into seeing you as an active person, dynamic, full of energy.

Why not do the same for your characters? Make them seem dynamic, vibrant, full of life?

Why not eliminate the list?

Let’s see how the example paragraph could change if we actioned it up.

He looked about the room. He thought it was too quiet. He listened, waiting, hoping to see through the dim glow. When nothing happened, he put his pistol back into its holster and stepped into the room. He heard a noise and turned, too late to block the wrench that cracked him across the face. He collapsed as the world went dark.

He thought it was too quiet as he looked around the room, listening, waiting, hoping to see through the dim glow. When nothing happened, he put his pistol back into its holster and stepped into the room. Hearing a noise, he turned, too late to block the wrench that cracked him across the face and he collapsed as the world went dark.

Although it reads almost the same, now there is a subtle difference in speed and urgency.

So I returned to some WIPs I had left on hiatus while finishing the rewrite of GENMOS Book 2: Crossroads.

Among them is a co-authored optimistic novella which I hope will have a positive effect on a community I’ve come to respect, but I am not a part of. This WIP is based partly on some of my friends, most of whom I’ve lost track of over the years.

I didn’t part from them for any negative reason… It’s just one of those things that happen.

As I get close to completing the 1st draft, I realize how much I miss them.

I miss hearing Rose, whose original name is now considered a deadname, telling me about when she knew her Dad accepted her gender. I miss seeing her smile as she recounts how he bought her a dress for her prom.

I miss “Chris” and his light look on life, and how he destroyed me in a game of “I never.”

And I regret not reaching out to tell others how they influenced me.

There’s no secret that I draw inspiration from webcomics.

One comic in particular, opened my eyes and heart to the struggles certain people face, and allowed me to better understand my friends.

The problem is

I never said thank you to the creator.

The last comic was produced in 2015… and the artist has since cut ties, going so far as to change their name.

Anyone who reaches out to them about their old works is ignored.

I never had a chance to say

Thank you

Thank you for building bridges

Thank you for giving me an understanding of my friends’ trials when they were too scared to reach out for help.

Thank you for making me laugh and smile.

I want to tell the creator, thank you for inspiring me, and if the WIP has the intended positive result, I’d love to send them a hard copy and ask them to sign it for me…

But, I respect their want for separation from their creation.

I’m just sad that I didn’t say Thank You when they would have listened.

Please, let me say Thank you now, to all those who have been, are being, and will be a positive influence in my life.

To each and every one of you whom I name in my heart:

Merci Beaucoup
Thank you

I appreciate all you have done, are doing, and will do for me.

My heart to yours.

❤

(Fin)

Squeeze: A Short Story

~~~~~~
Warning:

Trigger
~~~~~~

It’s easy to me. They’re not humans, they’re dolls, marionettes, and I’m just going to cut their strings.

Pulling my toy from my jacket, I release the safety, press the stock to my shoulder. My rifle is semi-auto, easy to fire.

Squeeze

A puppet falls, an explosion of crimson mist.

That WAS easy

Squeeze

Another puppet falls.

By now, others are screaming, running, hiding.

Did I bring enough bullets?

Squeeze

I have 4 magazines plus the one in my gun. That’s 75 rounds.

Easy math

Squeeze

Squeeze

Squeeze

This is so easy. So simple. High velocity round, unarmed flesh, no contest. I’m leaving fist-sized exit holes in every single puppet.

Squeeze

How many rounds have I fired? Not too important. I can easily reload.

Squeeze

Squeeze

Oh look, someone tripped, easy pickings

Squeeze

Aw, he thinks a table will protect him

Squeeze

Awww, she crying, begging for her life

Squeeze

Squeeze
Squeeze

Better change mags.

Swap out, too easy, cycle, raise again.

Hall is quiet… But lots of rooms to go. I know the drills. I was trained in them, after all…

A door, someone’s hiding behind, I’m sure.

Squeeze
Squeeze
Squeeze

Someone’s child isn’t coming home tonight.

Squeeze
Squeeze
Squeeze

The armed cop is hiding.

Squeeze
Squeeze
Squeeze

I almost want a challenge

Oh, the gym… no place to go…

Kick the door, someone’s holding it closed

Squeeze
Squeeze
Squeeze
Squeeze
Squeeze

Click

Time to reload.

Door opens easy now

That puppet looks just like a teacher of mine. He’s gasping pink frothy juice… must be filled with candy.

Oh look… more puppets

Squeeze
Squeeze
Squeeze
Squeeze
Squeeze
Squeeze
Squeeze

I don’t worry if my gun jams, I have a pistol in my belt

Squeeze
Squeeze
Squeeze
Squeeze
Squeeze

.
..
…

Question: how do you feel now, after reading that?

Ask your soul the same.

To all those who’re writing, editing, creating, and dreaming:

Please, continue. Don’t let rejection letters or harsh criticisms halt you, don’t let yourself be derailed.

My second novel is due out in a few weeks, and it looks like I’m about to sign my third.

It wasn’t easy, and while my hubris is CERTAINLY to blame, I also needed to learn, to grow.

Rejection letters hurt at first, and I was personally insulted by each one. Looking back though, they taught me to back away when angry, and eventually, they became my motivation… I needed to prove them wrong. For every slip that said “we’re sorry, but we won’t be accepting your work” I learned to say “Thank you for the opportunity,” while under my breath I muttered, “To prove to you that you were wrong to decline.”

Every criticism used to feel like a personal attack.

I needed to learn that many people are skilled at different things and that I’m not perfect.

I don’t always place a comma correctly, and I might have written week where I meant weak…

And maybe, just maybe, what sounds great to me and reads spectacularly in my head, may just come off as f****g confusing to someone else.

Lastly… I needed to learn to keep going, to keep practicing my craft and improving and evolving.

I needed to learn to pick myself up when I stumbled.

The results of these lessons, well…

Picture time.

Moral of the story

Don’t let it get you down.

If I can become published, so can you.

If I can create, so can you.

Dream, practice, grow, work, SUCCEED!

I believe in you.